the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
