i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
