Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
