I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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