I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
