happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
