Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
