Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
