she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
