What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
