He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
