So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
