she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
