WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
