At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
