peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
