Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
