The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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