kristin has been a bad kristin
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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