This show inspires me to have sex in space
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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