11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
