i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
