You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
