btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
