had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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