yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
