Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
