ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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