we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
