You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
