PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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