Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
time to smoke my breakfast
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
