By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
