dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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