i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
