I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
