what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
