Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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