I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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