Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
