She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
