And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
