I'm going to jail i love you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
