I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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