Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am one with the molecules
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
