Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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