Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
