So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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