Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
