so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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